Stop Complaining: Our Life Now Is the Result of Our Past Choices
A rough patch or just consequences? Stop complaining about how unfair life is to you – stop ruining your life.
Some people seem to be professional in creating problems. Wherever they are, at all possible stages of their life, they manage to create a thick energy field of negativity around them which can do nothing else but attract problems. Such people are real trouble magnets but when they start telling you about all their numerous snowballing problems and emotions they are feeling because of those problems, it all actually comes together. There’re people who solve their problems silently and no one even gets to know about those problems, while others enjoy complaining and wait for other people to solve their problems.
A person who’s at least somehow familiar with such concepts as mindfulness, mindset, spiritual awakening knows who is to blame for all those troubles. If you’re not sure what I am talking about, welcome to Mindfulness Inspo, a website that was created to promote a mindful and stress-free lifestyle.
It’s often said that mindset is everything. And it is true. One of my favorite quotes ever is one by Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”. Our mindset shapes our reality. We attract what we believe in. Believe in success – eventually you’ll succeed. Believe in failure – you’ll be too scared to even try to succeed. Believe that all people in your country are poor – you and people surrounding you will be such. Believe that all men/ women are evil – it’s highly unlikely you’ll meet a good person because for you, good men or women don’t exist, you just don’t notice them. Believe that you don’t deserve love – people will treat you just the way you think about yourself and the way you let them treat you. Believe that you deserve and can be successful, loved, wealthy, to have a healthy relationship or whatever else you may dream about, and you’ll get it. A negative mindset leads to a negative life. It’s simple and there’s no need to explain it much as I’ve already done it here.
But what if your life is a sequence of troubles? Stop complaining as you are able to change it!
You know, I used to suffer from social anxiety a lot. While I was just whining about it, thinking that it was impossible for me to overcome it, it really was impossible for me to overcome it. But when I stopped feeling so desperate about it, stopped thinking how unlucky I was to suffer from something spoiling my life like that, when I stopped complaining that other people could never understand my suffering, and started actually doing something about it, I managed to overcome my social anxiety after 13 years of living with it. The point is that we’re all going through something difficult. We’re all battling something. It’s for you to decide whether you want to change your life for the better or you want just to complain and do nothing about it.
How to solve your problems effectively
Stop blaming other people for your troubles
Even if someone has something to do with the problems you’re experiencing now, it’s most likely because you let them. Stop letting people treat you the way you don’t want to be treated. Analyze whether other people are really to blame for your troubles. Don’t lie to yourself.
Of course I understand that there’re also other situations when other people may be responsible for your problems, however blaming them and feeling a lot of destructive emotions won’t help you in any way. Destructive emotions do no harm to others, they destroy YOU.
We can blame our parents for bad upbringing or for psychological problems that we have, we can blame the people we went to school with for bullying us in childhood, we can blame our partner for not treating us the way we deserve, etc. Will it change anything? Will it make those people change or at least apologize? Will their apology fix your life? Blame makes no sense. Forgive those people you blame for your troubles or at least forget about them. You can’t change the past, what’s the point in thinking about it? But you can still change your future if you start fixing your life now.
Stop waiting for someone to come and pull you out
All people are busy with their lives. You are not the only person who has problems. No one is obliged to solve your problems instead of you. Thinking that someone else must help you is a wrong tactic that will never help you. You should learn to solve your problems on your own.
Of course I don’t meat situations like looking after a child or an old person on your own without any help from your husband in the first case and other relatives in the second case. In such cases you have all rights to demand help. I rather meant problems where only one person (you) is involved. Your independence is key if you want not only solve your problems effectively but also succeed in life. No one is going to come and give you whatever you dream about.
Believe that you’re strong enough to cope with anything
Without believing that you’re strong enough to overcome your problems on your own, nothing will really happen. I know it’s easy to say “believe in yourself” and it’s hard to do so especially if you have always been told otherwise by other people but I’m here not to feel sorry for you. And it’s not because I’m heartless or cruel but because my pity won’t help you in any way. In fact, even your pity for yourself won’t help you in any way. If you feel sorry for yourself too often, my advice is to see a psychologist, read psychological books on it, watch relevant lectures and eventually forgive people who made you feel so. Don’t let bad memories ruin your entire life. Feeling sorry for yourself you’re ruining your life. Because this is a destructive emotion. Destructive emotions are extremely dangerous for health, moreover they don’t let you progress in life.
Of course, many people enjoy feeling sorry for themselves and playing a victim card. But do people with victim mentality ever succeed? Luckily, victim mentality is not untreatable. Read How to Stop Being a Victim and Move On From Bullying and Abuse-related Trauma.
Another thing to check is whether you have a growth or a fixed mindset. Fixed mindset is somewhat desperate as people who have it believe that they can do little to change their lives. They think that their life is determined by their social background, talents, and thus their abilities. So why bother and put effort? If you are one of those who believe that success is a lottery – then read Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset for Success: Which Do You Have?
Clear your mind
Our minds tend to create a lot of illusions. As we don’t really know what other people think of us, what the future holds, etc. we never know the full picture. Neither can we control events. So, there’s no point in overthinking and worrying too much. Try to clear your mind. Maybe it’ll turn out that most of your problems were made up by your negative mind and existed only inside your head. Think about your problems. Think how huge they really are. What happens if you solve them? What happens if you don’t? What is your plan B if plan A doesn’t work out? Soon the negative picture in your head may start clearing up. Stop creating the field of negativity around you and you’ll see that there’re many more opportunities than you’ve noticed before.
Treat obstacles as opportunities
Whenever an obstacle or a problem arises, look at it from another angle. What can it teach you? What new opportunities does it bring? What doesn’t kill you does make you stronger if you learn the lesson.
For example, some person tries to manipulate you and does everything to create more problems for you. You can start feeling sorry for yourself, you can start a conflict which will not solve the problem or you can ignore this person as much as possible and work on increasing your confidence in order not to let anyone manipulate you ever again. This situation teaches you to set your boundaries. High self-esteem and self-confidence will surely help you in all spheres of life. Sometimes we just need to get in unpleasant situations because they help us grow and progress. The need to say NO to someone in real life and defend your boundaries is much more effective than watching and reading numerous materials on how to become more confident.
Believe that there’s another life
You’re used to life as you know it. However, there’re billions of people in this world with other lives, right? There’re people who have worse living conditions and there’re people who have better living conditions. There’re actors, there’re TOP managers, there’re sales managers, there’re bakers, there’re bartenders, there’re designers, there’re cleaners, there’re singers, there’re billionaires, etc. Even though we all live on the same planet, we all have extremely different lives. So if you believe that it’s impossible for you to do something, to get something, to achieve something, remember that there’re people living the life of your dream while you’re hesitating. That life is not impossible for you have. There’s almost nothing impossible. When I say “almost”, I leave some space for teleportation, not for doubting your abilities. If I don’t doubt you, why would you do that to yourself?
Start acting step by step
How many decades are you willing to waste? I’m sure the answer is none. So why are you hesitating and postponing doing what is important for you? Does it scare you too much? But you know what is scarier? Realizing that you’ve never even tried when it’s already too late. Most people live with a thought that they have plenty of time ahead. What if not?
Start with small steps. Small steps matter the most as when they add up, you get huge success. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so is your life. Start solving your problems one by one, then build the life of your dream. Do it for yourself.
Take responsibility for your life
If we look at any person snowed under problems, most likely we will notice some evident causes which lead to such circumstances. It’s usually not bad luck that leads to troubles but a sequence of bad decisions. Until a person has learned to take responsibility for their life, decisions and actions, nothing will change for the better. Taking responsibility and acting responsibly are signs of being mature.
Life is not unfair. Sooner or later we all will get what we deserve. To build the life of our dream is in our power, so stop complaining and start moving towards your goal.
Share this article as a wake up call with someone who’s been complaining a lot lately.