Sometimes confidence is not what we’ve been born with or not something cultivated in us by parents. On the contrary, sometimes it’s something our parents lacked, so we have to master it ourselves over the course of life. The sooner you realize your problem and start working on it, the better for you and your future success.
So, how to be more confident? I’m going to give you several ideas you’ll need to implement in order to build confidence.
Stop blaming other people for destroying your confidence
You may have been bullied in school but what is that fact going to change now? Either you stay a victim feeling sorry for yourself forever or you start transforming into a person that can’t be bullied. You have to be determined to become confident.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
The truth is that confident people don’t feel sorry for themselves. They don’t have time for that. They act and make their dreams come true.
There’s so much meaning in these two words. If you don’t love yourself, don’t respect yourself – people can actually see it, and to be honest, it doesn’t attract them. It’s true that if you don’t love yourself – no one will. You’ll never be able to build a healthy relationship if you lack self-love.
Accept yourself just the way you are. Even if you think that you have flaws, everybody does, so what? Your task is not to get rid of them at any cost but to improve in a healthy way. Don’t do anything that can negatively affect your physical or mental health in the future. No plastic surgery or facial filler will cure your soul. Once one reason for insecurity is gone, your mind will come up with another fake reason. Fake because most people don’t even notice our “flaws.” The flaws exist only in our own minds. So, only complete acceptance will help. Even if you hate something about yourself and you can’t change it, ask yourself: so what? What happens if I don’t change it? Will people love me less? If so, so what? Do I need their love? Isn’t my self-love enough?
People feel when a person is confident and confidence is something that attracts much more than plain and dull beauty, especially if the beauty is fake. Your inner beauty is the only beauty you should really care about. Looking good on the physical level can be fun but make sure it’s healthy.
Understand that you are a powerhouse
“As we advance in life we learn the limits of our abilities” – Henry Ford.
Confidence will not just come to you while you’re sitting and waiting for it to come. It will come in the process of you doing something you are not confident in. When I first thought about creating a website, I knew nothing about website creation, domain, hosting, SEO, etc. I wasn’t sure I would manage to create a website by myself. I could give up the idea any moment. However, I decided at least to start creating the website. Everything was new to me. But I figured it out step by step. Confidence came to me in the process of learning and implementing what I learned immediately. It turned out to be not as difficult as I had imagined and definitely not as difficult for me as for other people whose stories I’d read. And what I’ve done, what I’ve achieved (by the way, I never take my achievements for granted, even if it’s “just a blog” like some people would say) gives me more confidence. If I could do something I hadn’t been confident of doing, I can do anything else. I know that whatever I may want to achieve at some point in my life is possible. I can become the new Dua Lipa if I want to. You’d better believe me now: there is NOTHING impossible in the 21st century. You don’t need bosses, producers, publishers, etc. Pretty much everything can be done just by one person who has enough enthusiasm and determination to become successful at whatever they do.
Focus on yourself and your life
To become more confident, you have to become your own fan. Other people and opinions are great sometimes (as long as they are objective), but you should always put yourself first. The rule of putting yourself first also works when it comes to your comfort. The only person you can really count on is you. Other people, even if they are your family, don’t owe you anything and you can never make them do something they don’t want to do. So, you have to be ready for that and be ready to stand your ground on your own, protect yourself, provide for yourself, take care of yourself. If you were the last person remaining on Earth, would you be able to survive? You should be. So, always put yourself first as long as it doesn’t affect other people’s rights.
What will people think of me if I do this? What will my ex classmates think if I fail? Are they looking at me because I gained weight? Do I look bad in this dress? Most likely people are not even thinking about you and you shouldn’t be thinking about them either. Everything is simple, don’t overthink. What other people think about you is none of your business. You should be too busy with your own life for that kind of thoughts.
Celebrate even your smallest achievements
Appreciate even the smallest effort you make towards progress and success. Even a small effort sooner or later will pay off. Be persistent and don’t give up no matter what.
Tell the truth whenever possible
I agree that sometimes it’s better to lie. For example, in order not to offend your elderly relatives. That’s a white lie. But in most other cases, lies that we consider white and use in order not to seem rude, cause miscommunication. Miscommunication is a huge problem and if it happens too often, it can even ruin families, because the other person doesn’t meet our expectations as we are unable to communicate them properly and vice versa.
Have you ever felt unable to tell the truth to a stranger? If something annoys or irritates you, you should be able to tell about it no matter how hard it may seem. Confident people put themselves first. You may find it egoistic but that’s not. In fact, egoistic people can’t love and help anyone because they don’t have enough love for themselves and they can’t help themselves. Being an egoist is rather unfortunate but hey, that’s not our topic now. Putting yourself first when it doesn’t affect anyone else’s rights is all about self-care. If you can’t help yourself, how can you help others? On a plane you’re supposed to put your oxygen mask on yourself first and then help others. So, if you want to become a philanthropist and save the world, start with saving yourself. Gain confidence yourself and you will be able to pass that confidence and light to others.
Also, remember my one universal rule for happy life? If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. Do what’s best for you and your mental state. You don’t owe anyone anything. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t let people manipulate you. Don’t let them take advantage of you. Be firm, don’t allow room for discussion when you’re sure it’s a NO. A NO is a NO.
Don’t compare yourself to others
Easier said than done, yeah? However, you have to master it. Be your own fan, remember? Don’t log in social media at least for some time. Use the free time on educational stuff. I especially recommend studying psychology whenever you can as it’s able to improve your quality of life.
I said don’t compare but you still can look up to people who have achieved a lot. Learn from the best. Let’s take Taylor Swift as an example. You may love her or hate her, but what you can’t deny is her inner strength. Just to remind you, when she was only 19, Kanye West got on stage and ruined her MTV Video Music Awards moment. The whole world saw it, some made fun of her, the media is still talking about that moment. Did it affect her? Of course. Did it break her? Hell no. She is still there and thriving!
My advice is you find confident people it’s a pleasure to watch and look up to. However, you shouldn’t blindly copy them. Get inspired by them and be yourself.
Sing, dance, talk to yourself in front of a mirror. Get used to yourself and you’ll feel more confident. You’ll see that you look not as uncomfortable as you imagined.
Don’t pretend to be someone you are not
Don’t make things more complicated. React in your natural way. Be loving, generous, kind, loyal, sincere, fair. Don’t lie and don’t try to create an artificial image of yourself. You’ll act much more confident when you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
Stop thinking that you’re less important or more important than others
You’re neither less nor more important than other living creatures whether they are people or cows. We’re all equal. Don’t stress yourself out because of that. Some people want to be so important that it hurts them when people don’t treat them the way they think they should be treated. And vice versa, some people can shrink and become tiny, never tell about their true needs and desires, never have any ambitions, just because they think they are not good enough or they don’t deserve it. Some people are a combination of the two types changing their behavior depending on a situation. Who are you to think you are important or why would you think that you’re less important than anyone else? You’re just a bit of energy in the pool of energy which is the Universe. A cow, a dog, a flower – they are also energy. The Universe doesn’t think that it’s too important or not important enough, it just exists. Nothing really matters except kindness when we look at things from this spiritual perspective.
Thanks for reading and in case you find this article helpful, please share with friends to support me and spread mindfulness to make our world a happier and safer place!
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