“Why don’t people like me?” – I often asked myself during those 12 years when I suffered from social anxiety until I understood something that helped me finally put and end to it. I read many articles on social anxiety, watched a lot of educational videos where psychologists and psychiatrists explained social anxiety and what I learned was truly a revelation for me.

Why don’t people like me?

People are not supposed to like you just like you are not supposed to like other people. However, if you have social anxiety, you might have a feeling that everyone hates you. If you do have this feeling and it makes you dislike other people in return or makes you shy, paranoid, or anxious, this article is what you need.

If you experience social anxiety, you should know that you are not the only person with the fear of socializing. Also, you should know that it is just your mind playing games with you. Check out this article to find out how to overcome social anxiety or at least reduce the negative effect it has on your life.

Our mind is a very complex thing, so it is not easy to understand the reasons why you behave this or that way and why your mind keeps deceiving you. Being a huge sociophobe myself in the past, I’m going to list some lies your mind may be telling you.

Tricks your mind plays on you:

People stare at me

When I suffered from a severe social anxiety, I often thought that people started at me, which led to panic attacks. I used to think: “People stare at me because there’s something wrong with me. People dislike me. Why don’t people like me?” If you think that way too, you should know that most probably it’s just your mind deceiving you, because most strangers don’t care about your looks or actually anything in you. All people are concerned with their own appearance, their responsibilities, problems, families, work, etc. The only person thinking about you is you, so relax!

I understand people, people don’t understand me

When I had social anxiety, I often felt misunderstood and tried to explain myself a lot. I thought that I no one could understand me properly while I could always put myself in someone else’s shoes. But the truth is that neither I could understand motives of other people nor I was understood.

All people come from different backgrounds and have different mindsets. So, in fact, no one can understand another person fully. You build the image of another person based on your assumptions. Even if a person tells you that they like ice cream, you can’t be sure to what extent they like ice cream and you don’t know what they would do to get ice cream. So, it’s all about the way you feel about ice cream. The limit of your imagination is you, if you get me. It means that people mostly don’t understand each other. Neither you understand them nor you are understood. So, what is the point being sad or anxious about it? One wise person once said: “Don’t treat people as bad as they are, treat them as good as you are.” That’s mostly it. You do your best and get rid of your expectations. Because unmet expectations lead to disappointment and resentment. Other people may do whatever they want. Don’t overthink.

All people can see that I am insecure

If you focus on the thought that all people know how anxious you are, your hands will start trembling, the pulse will rise, and you may even have a panic attack. In this case, people will notice that you are not okay, but it still doesn’t mean that they will find out that you suffer from social anxiety. No one who doesn’t have social anxiety can fully understand a person with social anxiety.

You should understand that no one is thinking about you the way you are thinking about yourself at this moment. People around you are indifferent, bored, some are sad, some are happy, some are anxious about the way they look, etc. Unless you come up to them and tell out loud that you are anxious and insecure, they won’t know. In fact, even if you do this, no one really cares.

I am not beautiful enough/ I am ugly

Let’s imagine, you are walking down the street and strangers glance at you. What would you think? “I must look incredible” or “They look at me because I am ugly”? The truth is that different people look at you for different reasons. Some may think that you remind them of their classmate, some may find you beautiful, some may like your bag, some are just curious, some looked at you accidentally. You can’t read people’s minds anyway, so there is no point is guessing and overthinking.

People think that I am not rich enough

The desire to showcase your wealth can make you buy expensive things you don’t actually need or want. The wealthier you are, the less you need to brag. However, if you find yourself paying too much attention to wealth, think why it matters to you so much. Next step is understanding that not all people are like you and what seems important to you may be a trifle to others. So, this is your mindset only. If you are sure that people won’t treat you well if you don’t have a new iPhone or an expensive car, that’s the kind of people you choose to be around. There are people who care about spirituality, kindness, care, arts, whatever besides money. So, if you find yourself thinking what others will think about your clothes/phone/car, etc., maybe you do the same towards others?  

Now you know that whenever your mind starts pondering: “why don’t people like me?” – it’s just a trick your mind plays on you. Don’t buy into it otherwise you may start feeling upset, disappointed, anxious, angry, resentful, and even depressed.

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