Since I’ve learned the definition of introvert, I know I am one. Honestly, living in this extraverted world is difficult for introverts. We always have to defend our choices, our lifestyle, our priorities, our needs. Some extraverted people like putting labels on everyone and everything they can’t understand which is why people often perceive introverts as shy, timid, and emotionally unavailable. But I’d rather describe most introverts as extremely polite, well-mannered, and self-sufficient. So, if you know introverted people, don’t rush to put labels on them because you don’t know even 1% of their thoughts and emotions and you probably never will, unless you’re a very very very important person in their life.
Here I’m going to reveal 11 things that annoy introverts the most even if we never say a word about them. It’s going to be a very straightforward piece. The truth can be bitter sometimes.
11 things that annoy introverts
Extraverts sharing too much on social media
I’ve never thought that there can be “too much” of a person on social media until some people started showing their life on Instagram Stories. Seriously, I don’t care where or whom you’re spending your evening with and if you’re having a good time. For God’s sake keep it to yourself at least once a week, maybe then I’ll believe that you’re really having a good time.
Getting messages on social media and comments under our photos
Why does everyone seem to think that all people want to receive comments and messages on social media? Even if introverts post something on their social media, they most probably do so for themselves. I post photos for memories, not for someone to write a meaningless comment under it, so spare yourself the trouble.
People asking us about our personal life and plans
For some reason unknown to me, some people believe that they have the right to ask other people they are not even close to about their personal life. For example, my dentist asked me what my boyfriend does for a living. For introverts, privacy is way more important than the need to socialize and keep up a conversation.
I have no idea why some people feel the urge to start discussing obvious things when they meet a stranger. Why can’t extraverts bear several minutes of silence? Why should I help them overcome awkwardness they feel in my presence? If they feel awkward, it’s their problem. If I wanted to talk, I’d befriend you on social media but I haven’t, so draw some conclusions.
Congratulations with birthdays
I hate congratulating people I’m not that close to, with birthdays. You know, it’s those people you communicate with twice a year (on their birthday and your birthday) like ex colleagues or distant relatives. I have no idea what is going on in their lives, what is important to them, etc. which makes coming up with a decent birthday wish almost impossible. And who needs those wishes anyway? Let’s be honest, if you say it out loud, it’s not going to come true just because you said it.
You might think that introverts are selfish people: we hate congratulating others with birthdays but we love when people congratulate us. Actually, we hate when people we are not close with congratulate us with birthdays too. I have no idea what I should reply to them. By the way, I never write my date of birth on social media or in messengers and I never post photos from my birthday celebration so that people wouldn’t congratulate me. No, I don’t need extra congratulations!
The obligation to attend birthday parties or weddings of my partner’s friends
As you already know, introverts are not very fond of people, so the need to spend a day with people I’ve never seen before or people who are very different from me terrifies me. Also, if I do attend a birthday party or a wedding, never expect me to dance, sing or take part in some activities. I’ve shown enough respect by showing up to an event I’ve never wanted to attend.
People thinking that introverts are emotionally unavailable
I know a girl who likes to hug people including me. I’ve told her many times that I don’t like it but she can’t understand why. She asks me whether I hug my boyfriend and she can’t understand why it is completely different. I guess she considers me emotionally unavailable and thinks that if I don’t want to hug her, I don’t want to hug anyone. Extraverts need to understand that people they perceive as emotionally unavailable may be emotionally unavailable only with people they are not close to.
Remarks and diagnoses extraverts make
Apparently, there are more extraverts in the world than introverts which makes extraverts think that it’s only right to be an extravert and introverts are people who need to be fixed because there’s something wrong with them (see my article Introverts Don’t Need to be Fixed). I hate when extraverts judge my lifestyle, make assumptions and give advice. My mom is a perfect example of a judgmental extravert. “How can you not have friends? Everyone needs friends. It’s very bad that you don’t communicate with people. You must communicate.” Blah blah blah. When I ask her what for do I need communication if I don’t enjoy it she has no answer. Of course, because some extraverts are unable to understand that there can be another point of view and that not everyone wants to spend time gossiping and exchanging unimportant information with so-called friends.
Another thing I dislike about extraverts is their need to put labels on introverts and try to change us. “Oh, you’re not smiling enough at a party? – you’re probably sad, sick or jealous. You’re not dancing? – you’re missing all fun! You don’t want to hug a random person? – why are you so emotionally unavailable?” Let me explain, if you’ve ever seen You, the TV-series, I see extraverts as Sherry from Season 3 and I am more like Joe Goldberg (except his obsession with women). Extraverts are too loud, too annoying, too bustling, too much for me. They are trying too hard while I’m not going to do a thing to impress them or anyone else. That’s the difference between us.
Taking part in activities at parties
As I’ve already said, if an introvert attends your party, it means a lot. Extraverts have no idea what this person has to go through for this because most probably a party with many strangers is an environment the introvert absolutely hates. So, never make an introvert take part in activities at your party. Moreover, perhaps, because we, introverts, read a lot, many activities seem stupid to us which is why we often refuse to dance, sing karaoke, say toasts, give meaningless speeches, fake smile, pretend to like something we don’t. Let’s not spoil the event for both of us. Don’t make me feel uncomfortable and I won’t make you. Everyone has their limits. If my boundaries are constantly being crossed, I will stand up for myself. Read Introverts, Don’t Betray Yourselves.
New people aren’t welcome. If an introvert is already settled and has a husband, wife or is in an exclusive relationship, there is absolutely no need for them to meet new people. Now I’m 27 and there is no chance I will make new friends. I’m not even interested in maintaining old friendships. I feel best when I’m with my family or alone.
People trying to “help” us to become more social
If you ever think that someone would want to be more social but is too shy for that, think twice because in case this person is an introvert, you will not be their favorite person. Introverts don’t need help to become more social because we don’t want to be more social, we don’t need it. Extraverts need social interactions to feel good, introverts need alone time to feel good. Introverts derive energy from within themselves, while communication with people takes this energy away. You can be sure that if you leave me alone at a party, I won’t feel sad. If I have to practice social distancing, it won’t make me depressed. Some people just don’t need social interactions and it’s normal!
Now you know the 11 things that annoy introverts the most. I hope extraverts start understanding introverts better and stop forcing us to do something we don’t like so that we all can enjoy the lifestyle we have chosen without feeling judged and guilty.